I am in love with my wife.
She is the first woman that ever took the time to really know me. Others have tried, of course, but I was always passed over. Not enough here. Too much work there. Erin loves me without conditionally, for some strange reason, and that has made a great difference.
I’m not easy to live with.
I will openly admit that. There is no shame in that. I don’t believe any of us truly are. On the one hand, we have such a strong desire to connect with people, and yet, in so many ways, we push them away, and unconsciously keep them at a distance.
Intimacy scares us and sometimes it makes us run and hide.
It is so difficult to be who we really are. Vulnerable. Fragile. Desiring to live a life without regret. Without judgement. Living life to the fullest.
But this unorthodox letter is not about me, it should be about her.
I would like to somewhat ease the burden of my wedding day, and tell my wife, at least today, how beautiful she looks. I am so blessed and will be forever grateful that she saw and sees something in me. Something that I don’t sometimes see myself.
There are days, thankfully not too often, when I stumble around in darkness, and my wife’s loving eyes are all I have.
Without question, I am a better person today because she loves me.
Erin is simply a beautiful woman. She has always been one.
She has a seamless, natural beauty. A spirit, you just don’t encounter very often. I think I have seen her wear make-up, on no more than a dozen occasions. Erin is like the eclipse of the sun. A rare cosmic event, but one that is difficult not to stare at and notice.
I continue to be a lucky man not only because of her gorgeous exterior, but because of her limitless heart and compassionate soul.
I know she will hate this, and will probably roll her eyes, and pretend to stick a finger down her throat. Despite all this, I am going to ship this entry anyway.
Thankfully, this little blog of mine is very well hidden, and rather insignificant, so I am truly lucky in that regard.
I am writing this love letter because I often run and hide from her. I am not very good at sharing what I’m feeling or thinking in the moment. It is difficult for me to share myself. I prefer avoiding the moment. Ignoring. Waiting. Moving on. Those are my security blanket.
It took me a long time to realize that this deeply hurts my wife. I see clearly now, that acting like an ostrich and looking for a hole in the ground, has very unforeseen and extremely painful consequences.
I not only run from myself, but I create a deep chasm between the person who I wish to be and the person who is always there.
My wife has an immeasurably open heart. It is her greatest strength, but puts her in danger of grief, when people take advantage of her. Despite the imminent dangers of sharing herself and speaking her mind, she always continues to do so.
She is fearless.
I don’t meet many people who are so gentle and delicate in a one sense, yet who roar so powerfully when you need them to, or even wish she didn’t. She is the best advocate for our children. She is your worst nightmare if you are ignorant and mean.
She is my wife and I love her.