Who am I?
Who am I to think that anything I do will matter? Who am I to think that I can accomplish anything important? Who am I to believe I can make a dent of difference? And who put the silly idea in my head that I can become a writer or that anyone will ever want to read anything I have to say? Who will ever buy my book or even encourage me to write another one?
Welcome the ‘who am I’ complex.
It seems that we are all burdened with this self doubt and fear of success. I don’t know where it comes from and I don’t know what purpose it serves, but I know it is real, and it cripples many of us. It makes you hide. It often casts your eyes way down, making you afraid to look up, to gaze anyone in the eyes, lest they learn what you feel inside, and reject you as nothing.
We have to battle this complex. We have to fight against it, but that doesn’t mean that if you feel worthless, that if you can think otherwise, you’ll instinctively become a great artist or great at whatever you dream of becoming. It doesn’t work like that. Our fear of not being good enough is separate from being good enough, but one thing is clear. You will never know if you are good enough, or have the chance to become good enough, if you never find the courage to overlook who you are, and share yourself anyway.
Why are you not to be someone? Who are you to think that you were born without purpose? Who told you that you are a burden? You are not unwanted? You might have your struggles and your moments, but there is a great dignity and power inside of you. And it is worth the effort to allow that power to come out and stretch itself in the world.
It won’t be easy. The voices of doubt get loud and insistent at times, but no matter. Ignore the complex and embrace the idea that you are here for a reason. Believe that your life matters, and that the work that you do matters. No matter what that work is. No matter how this work got derailed. No matter how often you have failed, or gone in debt, or declared bankruptcy.
It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been divorced, or what neighbourhood you live in. Nothing matters very much, if you hold on the the last thread of hope that you have a why, and that all you are missing is the how.
Focus on the how. Be prepared to look foolish and be misunderstood. Prepare yourself to be judged, abandoned, and ignored. Prepare might be the wrong word here. I mean, how do you prepare for something like this? But what I mean is that you should decide and exercise your human freedom to do and be something inspire of everything.
Make a decision. Begin. Work hard. Repeat. Adjust. Fail. Get up. Adjust again. Repeat. Work hard and become someone who at this exact moment seems so distant and such a fantastical reality.
Is all your energy crying, hiding, moaning and complaining worth it?
Cover photo generously provided by photographer Aaron Blanco Tejador via unsplash.com