I discovered this weekend that I function in two speeds. Full throttle and full speed ahead and stuck in mud, watching the world go by. The second state I have learned over the years is an emotional place. I am able to get things done, but mentally don’t flex as much muscle as I would like to.

The full speed ahead mode has come to me over time. I wasn’t always like this. When people criticize kids today, I smile because I am fully aware how many hours I have wasted not being too productive. I’m not saying the kids today or I for that matter couldn’t have done more or something else, I am smiling because I’ve been there before.

The stuck in mud speed is a little more recent. You can’t be really stuck in something if you’re not really going anywhere to begin with. One implies the other. It’s funny. When I have lots of things on the agenda, I push and push and get everything done. When I have a day where there are no commitments, the time is up for grabs, and I can do anything I want, I do very little, other than move from room to room and think about what snack I can have next.

I’m not sure what to make of both these speeds other than to record them here for others to ponder or for me to remember later.

Above everything else I am still productive. More so in one over the other but I still manage to inch a little closer to this and lift myself a little higher towards that.

I hope this is a very common human struggle. I hope I am not alone in this and I don’t think there is a cure. Perhaps an ointment?  I often think to myself that all of this resembles the rhythm of a heart beat. Blood rushes into the chamber and blood pumps out of the chamber.

Cheers to the two speeds of life and for something done, no matter how insignificant, anyway.


Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@averey