We all argue, because quite frankly, some things are worth fighting for.
Some of us argue a tiny bit, others exhaust themselves and become fighters. These are the people, and you may be one of them, who fall in love with the rhythm and orgasmic endorphin rush of every syllable. It is so exhilarating, that they relish any and every chance to do it again.
When we argue, we exchange diverging and opposite views of the world, we think we know, and this exchange often turn heated, and we are ultimately engulfed by anger.
We set ourselves up, for a lot of inevitable conflict, because our version of the truth will always be foreign and unfamiliar to our adversaries. Somewhere along the way, we have accepted and embraced the false belief that life is simple, that it is governed by simple rules, and therefore we expect everyone to think and feel harmoniously, like we do.
This is nothing but a fairy tale, which is why we find ourselves in such colic.
There is nothing wrong with anger.
It is a very useful emotion. It serves us well, at times. Much evil has been conquered with the aid and assistance of anger. Sometimes our aim and vocabulary improves.
There is no doubt that we must continue to use anger, but we miss out on a lot when we are trapped by it in an argument.
When we get angry, in the middle of a heated argument, we are in great danger of mistakenly reaching out for the wrong takeaway.
In a heated debate, we will ignore and fail to see the other world view, because it is presented by our temporarily sworn enemy. We fail to contemplate what they were trying to tell us.
Why are we so certain that we are right? We are constantly sure that everyone else is wrong.
We give ourselves no real alternative but to get angry and force our divine view upon them, and if that fails, we heap unfair criticism, not to mention foul language in their direction, or in the direction of anyone who is brave enough, or ignorant enough, to listen.
The feelings of anger and guilt, after a heated exchange, is the wrong take away.
We rob ourselves when we fail to contemplate the possibility and ideas from the other side. We do it, because it is uncomfortable and foreign. It hurts.
Do me a favour for just a moment. Scan the room and look for as many round objects as you can. Take a minute or two and count them quickly. How many did you see?
Do you feel proud to be the master of the circle?
Now let me ask you another question. While you were busy scanning the room for any, and all round objects, how many rectangular shapes did you see? Don’t look. Just answer the question.
Now look around and count the number of rectangular shapes that have suddenly surrounded you. Funny, how we all miss them isn’t it?
When we argue with people, we will get angry. We leave their ideas and we take our anger with us. Worse. Eventually our anger subsides, but this emptiness often leads us to a state of melancholy, and for some of us plunges us into a deep sense of depression.
We must continue to argue with people. This is how we learn.
But we need to consciously force ourselves to see their rectangles. As crazy as they may sound, this is the only way we will be happy as human beings. When we see and behold the things from the other side.
Make sure you focus on the right take away.
Remember why you engage people in conversation in the first place.
We don’t argue with strangers. We argue with those we hold most dear.
Forget your world for a moment. Forget yourself. Try to behold theirs.
Together, you have a chance to live in a deeper reality than you could ever dream creating for yourself.
After a heated argument, when your worlds collide, you have a mystical opportunity to exist in an ever expanding universe.
You have a chance to grow.
A chance to take away the better part of you.