Loneliness.
Feeling the pangs of loneliness at any stage of our lives seems to be a deeply important part of the human condition. If you were like me, you spent an copious amount of lonely nights alone in your room. Loneliness continued to creep with us, as we all took our turn by getting married, divorced, or for some, living somewhere in between. And the day will come, or perhaps it has already found you, when you will find yourself old, gray and wrinkly, and the pangs of loneliness will embrace you yet again, every morning, as you sit alone, in your little apartment or your retirement residence, and wonder who will come to pay you a visit.
Loneliness seems unavoidable.
We live our lives inside of our fragile gentle minds, but we are very interdependent on our relationship with others. We are interdependent and receive graces for our well-being and happiness.
Sometimes what we want and what they want are different. Where we are, is not where they are. We are sometimes a great distance apart and sometimes so close that we can’t stand their presence any longer. We don’t often see eye to eye, or connect mind to mind. We plunge ourselves and continuously return, like the waves of an ocean, to a seemingly unending state of loneliness.
I have been there.
I am there right now.
Perhaps it isn’t polite to publically admit that I’m lonely, but I am tired of not speaking from the heart, no matter what consequences await me in the end.
I know that loneliness will always be a part of me. It is never a question of if, but only a question of when and how often. It is a matter of how intense or mild will it be this time.
The loneliness I have been experiencing lately is quite intense. I do my best, like you, to distract myself with writing, photography, busy work, organizing, planning, and parenting. I dig my ditch. I go to bed. I await the dawning of a new day.
Deep down though, when I allow myself a chance to feel something, to become still and quiet, I am overwhelmed with the heavy pangs of lonesomeness.
I don’t have my usual bravado or insights or any thoughts of reflection for that matter.
I am at a loss for words.
In a sense, offering some insights or reflections about loneliness here, somehow robs us of our humanity.
Sometimes you don’t need anything. You don’t want anything. You just want others to know where you are and who you are.
This is no time for pity. No time for fake smiles, and group hugs.
This is a time to be who we are. To accept what we are and have faith in our purpose.
Stay strong. Stay kind.
Perhaps my pangs of loneliness are there to identify with others. Perhaps I am meant to connect with the unconnected. To console the inconsolable.
Perhaps loneliness is a frequency to the pain of others.
Thank you for reading.
It warms my heart to know these words are not alone.
