The Hierarchy of Stealing Time
The First Circle: The Circle of Untouchability
borrow – negotiate – steal
If you are married, then at some point, you came to a crossroad and proclaimed a vow to your lover, that they would be the most important part of your life. We should never forget that promise. Our spouse should always remain the most important person in our life, more so than our children or our pets.
Our spouse, can never be relegated, moved aside, or asked to take a seat, right behind the stunted ego of our dreams.
The person we decided to build our life with, should remain, always, an integral part of our vision.
If they are not part of our dreams, I think it’s time to rethink our relationship, and our future. Harmony is not a luxury. When it’s missing, it is usually a very bad sign.
Our spouse should always be placed above our children. I won’t even mention the ridiculousness of having your partner devalued by a Chihuahua, but sadly, I digress.
I understand that this might not be a very popular notion. I realize that relationships are not very hierarchical, they are more like a mixture of volatile chemical compounds, but for our purpose here, I think it illustrates the point.
I think we need to be clear as to who is the primary target of our affection. Without question, it should be our partner. This doesn’t mean that we are somehow more in love with them than our children. It simply means that when conflict arises, and it will, we understand and appreciate who are ally is, and support them. Parenting is a battlefield, and they are brave enough to continuously walk into battle by our side.
Kids are darn cute. I give them that. But they can never jump the turnstile. They should wait their turn.
The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
This is true not only true for old married couples, but is infinitely more important for anyone who struggle or cannot reconcile with their partner, ultimately ending in divorce.
Our dreams require time.
We need a lot of it, so we can push through the many setbacks and constant challenges. We need a lot of time to work and to fight those negative whispers in our consciousness that tell us to fold up and call it a day.
We should never steal time from our spouse nor disrespect them by borrowing it. We should learn to negotiate our time instead. We need to be in constant dialogue with our lover and communicate our desires, and the cost that it will take to realize them.
If they love us, they will not stand in our way. By engaging them in an honest and open conversation, it gives our spouse the opportunity to point out some potential dangers or voice concerns we might not have otherwise imagined.
Most importantly, negotiating time away from our wife or husband, for our dreams, makes them an integral part of our desire. It honours their place in our life. It keeps us grounded, and gives us the necessary balance to keep digging ditches.
Sometimes our spouse might be insecure or sabotage our efforts. They might want us to remain the same.
Their apprehension should never hold us back. We must be respectful of their feelings, but if those feelings are groundless and irrational, we should never give them the chance to choke our dreams. Our dreams are more important than their comfortable and security.
This is a large and very complex subject matter. It is too big to explore here, but perhaps one day, we can devote some time and explore it with more depth.
We move to the third part within the Circle of Untouchability; our children.