Life seems like a long journey until it isn’t.
It is infinite, until it just suddenly ends.
There are no reminders. No sticky notes.
There is no final phone call. Perhaps no last goodbye.
Just the end.
It doesn’t really matter how long you’ve been on your journey. Nor does it really matter how much you’ve laughed or cried along the way. It seems insignificant how often you’ve been scared, anxious, or worried. In the final calculation it doesn’t matter, because we will all face the same curtain call.
And it is a curtain call. The end of an act. But it is not a punishment or a curse.
But what do I know?
I am very incapable and insecure about the subject of death. I haven’t figured it out. Far from it. It scares the living shit out of me sometimes. The pun is intentional.
Over the years, I continue to humbly listen and watch for wise words and examples, in the hopes of learning something. Something that will help me figure out what I am doing here, why I matter, and why it is preordained that I must leave one day.
It’s a long journey.
We live it one step at a time. One year at a time.
Until the end.
In an effort to repeat myself, I don’t have many answers. I don’t even have a dozen. But I do have a myriad of very complex questions. Questions which generally fall on deaf ears as very few every want to hear or discuss them.
I am therefore subjected to gathering insights on my own, and you probably share a similar fate.
I am just trying to get at the truth. It is not easy. It is very elusive. It is a story that speaks in silence and through the mystery of earthly events. It sings in art. It whispers through music.
And I long to find some clues to this somewhat unidentifiable, but a very complex universal mystery, that troubles all of us.
We are on a very long journey, with very limited time.
So, I remind myself, as the people I love leave me, that I don’t have too much time.
So why do I sometimes get wrapped up in so many things that drive us from each other? Why are you and I not conscious of the suffering humanity we find everywhere? Why are we unhappy? Fearful? Anxious? Cancerous? Materialistic and fat?
Why do we shit on freedom, disrespect the value of suffering, and ignore human dignity?
Why do we sometimes hate ourselves? Why do we hate each other?
Why don’t we see the connections in all things? The infinite possibilities in everything that we do. And destroy or make fun of those who try.
Every decision we make. Every breath we take. Every struggle. Every emotional discharge. Indeed, every single movement and every little thought, leads all of us to a blessed moment of infinite possibilities.
A moment we get to frame. A moment we get to embrace or abandon.
Please forgive my rambling thoughts about our temporal mortality, on this very temporal Friday morning.
Sometimes, they are all I have. But in a matter of mere minutes, the sun will rise again. The responsibilities of the day will burden me yet again with many new thoughts and challenges.
In the meantime, though. I will sit here, alone, armed with a cup of coffee, thinking of all the wonderful people I have been blessed to know. I will think of all the magnificent people I can reach out to at this very moment.
I will end my morning imagining the person I am going to become.