I don’t think it would serve anyone any good if I only wrote about the ups but hid or avoided writing about the downs. Yesterday was a down, one of those drafting days that strings itself into our lives once in a while, or often. I will spare you most of the details but at the core I had a lot of self doubt.
Only two days ago I submitted my manuscript to my editor and was very excited, well because, it feels so nice to say that you submitted your first ever manuscript to the editor. But then I began to lay out my work to get it ready for an eBook release soon, and I read my work. I found one mistake, and then another. I found unclarity of thought and slowly the whole experience began to unravel my whole sense of worth and purpose. I would love to say that I’m better this morning, but in truth I am not. My feelings are not united with my mind, but I will not make the mistake of folding up my dreams and running away.
I haven’t known this for long but I trust the process. I believe that I have no idea what I’m doing or where this is going. There are so many steps along the way and it is impossible to know what something is for or how it is going to turn out. It would actually be kind of silly of me to pay for an editor and not let her edit the work before I do anything further.
I share this because everything is so new to me. There is so much information out in the world and so much confidence that I suspect is just a facade. Either I missed some lessons on confidence and competence somewhere along the way, or maybe we are all hiding ourselves, just a little.
So what’s next. What’s next after having a rough day at the office. Well, for me is this piece of writing, that I am writing right now. Regardless what I think or what the value of my first book is and is going to be, the response is always going to be more writing.
You have to trust the process. You have to let go of constant adjustments we are tempted to make, which only frustrate us by years of wandering in the desert, looking for a promised land which is right there, and which you could have found, if we trusted the process.
This is true of any dream and anyone. I don’t think anyone of us is special, until we become special. Being special and good at something is a choice. Yes, there is some natural abilities that play a part, but I am more convinced then ever that being great and living life to the fullest is a matter of choice and persistence.
I’ve had a bad day at the office, but it’s no matter, and time to do something about the matter. Feelings are great at telling us where we are, but they are seldom to be trusted about where we need to go. Where we need to go is something we need to decide on before we start anything. If we don’t, it won’t just be one rough day at the office, it will be a lifetime of tearful regret.
Cover photo generously provided by photographer Elijah O’Donnell via unsplash.com