I am beginning to reframe my thoughts about money.
I am beginning to understand that we live in an abundant universe. God did not make junk, nor did He make so very little, that we would all fight over it.
Yes, I know.
There are clearly visible signs of poverty everywhere. Crime, wretchedness, and pestilence are around every corner. It doesn’t take much to see it. I am not taking it lightly and I am not blind to its existence. It brings tears to my eyes just the same and I certainly don’t wish to ignore any of it. All I am saying is that I am finally beginning to reshape my relationship with money.
The title of my little blog is Ten Minas. It is taken from the parable of the talents. For years, I have wasted mine and wrote nothing.
As a child, I was never so weak to consider myself the servant with only one talent who out of fear buried it, and reaps the consequences. I always imagined myself as a twin servant with the same one talent, but one who went out and used it, instead of hiding it.
I see today that I missed the mark. I have received ten talents and I am expected to generate ten or a hundred more.
This is a terrifying proposition because it means I have misunderstood abundance.
It took a long time to put up the scaffolding that are beginning to erect this newly embraced frame of mind, and there has been some definite progress.
Financially, I am not where I want to be. We have debt but we are not living paycheque to paycheque, by any means. It would be disingenuous to deny that our source of income is a real strain on our lives and relationship.
Abundance.
A few days ago, I went into a fancy men’s clothing store. If you know me, you realize that I grew up with very little, and even today, I own one pair of shoes, one pair of jeans, one jacket, a couple of pairs of pants, some dress shirts for work, and a humper full of t-shirts I’ve picked up along the way. Going into a fancy pants store where just the socks cost $35, and nothing is ever on sale, took some courage.
Looking back, it was relatively easy and comfortable adventure. At no time did I feel like I didn’t belong or realize at any point that I couldn’t afford anything. I saw a beautiful designer dress-shirt. I went over and touched the fabric. I imagined what how it would look on me and I casually flipped over the price tag.
$295 plus tax.
I surprised myself.
This didn’t faze me.
I had not forgotten that my wallet is full of dust, or that there are various financial institutions that have attached themselves like junkies to some of my income generating arteries. On the contrary, the shirt felt and seemed quite affordable.
The words ‘soon’ and ‘not yet’ sprung to mind.
I made pleasantries with the staff and eventually headed out to celebrate with a very cheap cup of coffee to cleanse myself.
I am writing this post because I don’t want to forget this. In the future, I will be writing a post about buying this studly shirt, or one just like it, and I may even splurge on that $35 pair of socks. They were indeed, very dandy.
A funny thing happened yesterday. I was another abundant day.
I arrived into town a little earlier than expected and since a new wardrobe had been on my mind of late, I decided to visit Winners. There is nothing particularly special about Winners, and seems to run counter to what I have been saying, except that in a small town, it’s as good as it gets.
I walked over to the shoe section. Clearance of course.
At first, I ended up seeing what I always see. Everyone seems to have small feet, and I may be wrong but the magnificently bold floral patterns imbedded in the shoes might be the reason why they were sitting here on a clearance rack.
I walked to the other side of the isle and unsuspectedly noticed a pair of shoes that big foot would be proud to call his own. I pick them up and noticed that it they were a pair of Clarks. My favourites. Clarks makes incredibly comfortable shoes. They usually run $130 or so, every time I look for some nobody stocks anything past the dreaded 12. So here I was, in the middle of the clearance section, staring down at not one, but two pairs of Clarks, and size 14 to boot (pun intended).
I tried both and they were as comfortable as I imagined they would be.
I adopted both pairs.
Driving home I kept thinking about abundance and my unhealthy relationship with money.
As of today, I am done chasing it or trying to fight astronomical odds of winning some.
Sometimes, when you least expect it, the abundant universe meets you where you are. I’m not where I want to be but I was sent two pairs of shoes; $25 and $35. It doesn’t compare to a nice pair of dandy socks, but for me it is a hell of a start.
It seems that abundance is just that, abundant.
This is no longer the time to play small.
Apparently, why I wait for my designer shirt to make its way into my closet someday soon, I will be enjoying putting scuff marks on my ridiculously affordable and comfortable pair of shoes.
Who is up for a walk?
I walked a mile in your shoes.
I am a mile away.
And I’ve got your shoes.
